I actually just wrote an entire blog for the last hour and then accidentally hit delete. I can't even believe I have the patience to write another one. Patience is a virtue and it's actually quite fitting for this topic. 

Today is Day 1 of National Infertility Awareness Week. If you have a family or have never struggled with conceiving then this week means diddly-squat to you. I get it. 

For me and many others, this week is a pretty big deal and I'm sure you already guessed it, we can't make a baby. Yet. 

It's been about 7 years of trying and nothing. Nada. Zilch. We've spent thousands of dollars on different things that we thought would help and well, they didn't.  I've done a few things to enhance our chances such as acupunture, herbs, supplements, ovulation strips, basal thermometer every morning, listened to podcasts, read books, did handstands, took a vacation, didn't "think about it", stopped trying, started trying, changed my diet, went on a retreat to gain my sanity back, prayed, prayed again, meditated, manifested, went to the Fertility Clinic, had surgery, found out I have Endometriosis, had my tubes flushed, hormone testing, prayed again. 

Need I say more, folks? 

Now, when you tell people all of the things you've tried their usual response is something like, "Oh, well have you tried IVF? My friend Wanda did it and it worked!" Or, "What about adoption?" 

Honestly, I could slap someone silly every single time I hear this unless it's someone who is also struggling and actually understands what it's like living with Infertility. 

I know, it's uncomfortable for a lot of people and they just don't know what to say but here is the thing. You don't have to say anything, you just have to listen. Ask that person if they need your support and ask them how you can offer that to them rather than give your opinion or advice. That's just my take on it. There is nothing more frustrating than trying to make your own baby with your partner for any length of time and then have someone come along and say what about adoption...

So, let's fast forward to April 19th, 2020 during this pandemic that we're all living in. 

Our fertility journey remains the same. In fact, that's not true at all. I am definitely not the same woman I was 7 years ago and I can actually see the silver lining in all of this mess. It has made me become such a stronger woman and it has strengthened our relationship like no other. I am better because of it. 

I truly do believe that everything happens for a reason, even in the hard times. I believe we are all living in this pandemic right now because there is a lot of love and light shining through the darnkess of it all. I believe the same to be true about our story of bringing a baby into this world. I know there will be light at the end of this dark tunnel and I truly do believe in my heart that I will hold our son or daughter one day for the first time and look into their eyes and say thank you for being here. I really do believe that. 

If you are out there reading this and also struggling, I hope that you still believe. I know it's not easy and I know no one can do or make you believe anything other than what you believe in your own heart but I am rooting for you. 

I believe.

In closing, I want to thank each and every single person that has reached out and shared your story with me on your own journey. I'd like to thank the people who have been there for me during these dark times. I am so thankful to have shared space with all of you and I am touched that I have so many people in my life to sit with me during this time. 

Thank you!

With lots of love and baby makin' good vibes, 

Erin